Figure Out Your Own Scorecard

The important question to consider here is whether or not this is a kick in the pants you need (possibly,) or more likely, are you getting caught up in the heat of the moment and judging yourself on someone else’s scorecard?

Most of us know the feeling, when you get together with old friends, colleagues, or schoolmates and rears its ugly head. It might be at a party, dinner, or even college reunion, and suddenly you are listening to what other people are doing with their lives, or their careers, and something inside you immediately compares yourself to them. Just days before, if asked, you would have expressed little interest in private equity, oil and gas, software development, or an app-based startup. You would have ranked work life balance as one of your more important goals, but after talking to Zach who is in investment banking and hearing about his recent trip the Swiss Alps, you are now thinking about your next promotion and how you need to work harder to get there. You find yourself talking to others about the great potential opportunities ahead of you, possibly exaggerated. And justifiably so. Who wants to be left behind?
The important question to consider here is whether or not this is a kick in the pants you need (possibly,) or more likely, are you getting caught up in the heat of the moment and judging yourself on someone else’s scorecard?
During just such one of these get-togethers recently, full of go-getters all in their late twenties and early thirties, I first encountered the idea of “figuring out your own scorecard.” In reference to a friend who was constantly posturing on his expensive purchases and work life, none of which seemed to fulfill him in less than superficial ways, another friend quite simply and accurately said, “Yeah, I think he just needs to figure out his own scorecard.”
What a wonderful way to phrase it. Have you defined what you are working towards in your life, whether it is a degree of happiness, achievement, or creation? Is it really that new car you drive to the reunion in order to leave a good impression? Is it that Instagram worthy vacation you only get to take once a year while you break your back for the other fifty one weeks? Is it the promotion that you don’t really want because you don’t like your work, but will look impressive on your LinkedIn? Take some time to really develop and hone your scorecard both inside and outside of work. Are you making strides in a passion you have always dreamed about? Learning a new language? Learning a musical instrument? Working on your relationship with your significant other? Working towards the ability to live abroad? Or work from home?
The easy thing to do would be to play with the scorecard society gives you, and think simply of promotions, cars, vacations, and things. While none of these things are bad in and of themselves, they can be dangerous when you use them to supplant those things that you truly want. That scorecard chock full of these items leads down a path that unfortunately does not include happiness or fulfillment. So instead, work backwards. What would be fulfilling to you? What would actually make you happy? Now what do you need to get there? Start doing something every day, no matter how small, that makes progress on that path, or makes a tally on that scorecard.
Oh and trust me, those things, those passions you are pursuing, make you much more interesting at parties anyway.

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